My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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