I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
