i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
