a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
