it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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