i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize