I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
