if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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