This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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