Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
