Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
God I need to hump something, right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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