Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
