i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
