so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
