Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
