it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
