I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
