There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
