so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
