Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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