i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My vagina is very pro this idea
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
