it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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