our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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