I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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