he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
