also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
