I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
