i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
