You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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