I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there was a trapeze. enough said
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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