Plan B is the new Plan A
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
