escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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