I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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