no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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