You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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