Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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