I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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