The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Text me some of your sweat
false alarm, still single
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
