On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
