Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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