Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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