i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
