So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
