i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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