I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
