my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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