She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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