i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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