Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
