So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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