everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
