Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
3pm strippers are depressing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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