based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
