I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
