I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
