my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
