im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
