it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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