Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
