i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
