If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
