i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
