from now on my penis is your penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
