I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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