he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
