Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam