Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  It'll hurt less than being alone

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  (407): my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much (1-407): It'll hurt less than being alone http://tfl.nu/6ydx
  Replies (12) Good night (4797) Bad night (1373)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.

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  (336): pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/ttma
  Replies (20) Good night (986) Bad night (3805)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?

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  (678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family? http://tfl.nu/vek9
  Replies (72) Good night (2017) Bad night (8094)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

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  (724): It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me. http://tfl.nu/9spl
  Replies (7) Good night (3894) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself

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  (419): after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself http://tfl.nu/nl6g
  Replies (4) Good night (1634) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great

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  (719): Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great http://tfl.nu/tj20
  Replies (4) Good night (1449) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.

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  (916): No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street. http://tfl.nu/lc9z
  Replies (6) Good night (1531) Bad night (570)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.

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  (202): Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands. http://tfl.nu/8ssv
  Replies (10) Good night (1789) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.

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  (+61): If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that. http://tfl.nu/eyt5
  Replies (1) Good night (987) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Use "feeling words"

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  Yay

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  (317): Use "feeling words" (1-317): Yay http://tfl.nu/y3ss
  Replies (3) Good night (752) Bad night (413)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.

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  (617): I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/2ow7
  Replies (1) Good night (666) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD

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  (360): Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD http://tfl.nu/j288
  Replies (6) Good night (1209) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING

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  (831): DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING http://tfl.nu/1232
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!

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  (845): There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here! http://tfl.nu/1ha2
  Replies (2) Good night (401) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I'm the Oprah of jello shots

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  (636): I'm the Oprah of jello shots http://tfl.nu/kh66
  Replies (2) Good night (483) Bad night (187)

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