He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?