I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.