I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life