and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
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i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.