areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?