So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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