I faked an abortion last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer