I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
