I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
