not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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