Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
