What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
