I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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