i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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