my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
