He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
