you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
