I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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