im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
