I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
