so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
