the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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